Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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