wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
