What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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