The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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