Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
