Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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