you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
