just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
