I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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