How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
