Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
