I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
