She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
