erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
