I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
