making cat noises will not fix the situation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
