he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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