hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
