Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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