Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
