HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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