Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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