Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
