At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
