I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
