Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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