I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
