I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
