I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this must be what syphilis tastes like
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
