Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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