If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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