I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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