I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
