Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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