So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
