So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
