i already hear my dad disowning me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
