Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
