I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she smelled like a LAN party
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
