Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
