clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
