I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
