I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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