So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
