They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
