is your mom at the bar?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
