if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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