my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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