One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
