i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you would pick up someone in the library
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
