Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
