You're completely useless in the revolution.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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