Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
