Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
