Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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