i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
